I keep coming back to this blog and am amazed that it's still around. (And I've said that everytime...) But this time, I've realized that this isn't much a blog for others, but a journal for me. From the start of this blog to now, there's a lot that's changed...
I'm still employed at the same station. Nothing changed there. Jen's now an RN in the SICU at UofU hospital and is loving every minute of it, both good and bad; major change there. Nolan's 11, in 6th grade, a ridiclous reader, lovess to ski and rock climb and very much has the "tweenager" attitude; major change there. Chris is 9, in 4th grade, and into basketball and skiing, some change. Audrey is 7, 2nd grade, loves gymnastics and is also an... "emotional" kid. We've moved, again. Bigger house, more rooms, more... house.
But that's not the change I'm talking about. It's what's between each of us that has changed. The "happy-happy joy-joy" schmuck that I see in my early "bloggings" isn't so sparkly. It's still there, but has a lot more shit on/in it. That's been hard to deal with. Breathing helps. Therapy helps too.
It's weird/humbling to admit that I've sought out therapy; not just for myself but for my oldest and for us, together. Opening up to a stranger was really uncomfortable at first but quickly became... well... theraputic. And then, enlightening. Now, if I can get just Nolan to understand that. (And just like that, I've had another light bulb come on: it's not MY job to get him to understand, it's his. See? Therapy.)
Change is hard. Parenting is harder. Trying to roll with all the changes while parenting is the hardest. If I breathe any faster, I may start to hyperventilate.
2.02.2019
Change...
11.24.2017
S.O.S.D.D.
...and here we go. Again. This is getting ridiculous.
But after a fortunate "requisitioning" on my part (the tablet or over-compensating phone-thingy my fingers are trying to clack away on...) I'm wondering if I should try my hand at this crap yet again. For the 11ty-7th time. After saying, essentially, the same thing 3 years ago. And failing.
Interesting enough, this blog still exists and I can still log into it. After 3 years of doing nothing! I thought accounts like this amount of inactivity deleted themselves? But, to my surprise, here I am again. NOT blogging. And, as I've stated several times before, Imma try this shit again. Cause it IS a good place to get these thoughts outta my head.
Time will tell. As in, it'll probably be another few years when I "update" this blog again...
10.03.2013
The Problem With Blogs...
...is that I never know just what to blog about! And if I do happen to wrangle one train of thought and manage to, somewhat, coherently get it through the keyboard, who's gonna actually read it? Or wants to?!
For that matter, why do I actually do the blogging thing anyway?! I don't have a clue. And haven't had one since the last post. And that brings me to my primary problem: what to blog about.
When I happen to stumble across something that I think to myself "That would make a great post!" I'm nowhere near a computer in order to get the thoughts down in some coherent manner that doesn't make readers have spasms later. I know, I know, there's the beauty of proof-reading before the post goes live, but who has the time?! And not just the time, but who has the patience?!
(And yes, I do realize the irony going on here... Shut. Up.)
By the time I can sit down and actually remember the original thought that drove me to the eye-numbing glow of the computer, I quickly get sidetracked. Facebook, Twitter, movie trailers, blah blah *SQUIRREL!!!* blah blah. After a few hours of wading through all that muck and slowly killing off one tab after another, not to mention brain cells by the hundreds, I come across the main reason why I plopped down to begin with. I proceed to engage in a staring contest with those pixels and wonder "What the hell... ???" with the same look on my face as a dog has while listening to a dog whistle.
Eventually, I'll manage to squeeze out something that resembles a clear, concise thought that I can pound on the keyboard. Much to your delight I can tell. But as I go back and proofread whatever it is I just leaked out I realize, again, something else about blogging: this is just gonna be for me to come back to and pitifully laugh at later.
*sigh*
Why blog, when it's so much easier to Facebook it? Or, for the ones with severe ADD, just do the Twitter. Oh, and make sure you #hashtag the hell out of it.
...speaking of which, if you #hashtag a #hashtag does a random, fuzzy bunny die horribly?
For that matter, why do I actually do the blogging thing anyway?! I don't have a clue. And haven't had one since the last post. And that brings me to my primary problem: what to blog about.
When I happen to stumble across something that I think to myself "That would make a great post!" I'm nowhere near a computer in order to get the thoughts down in some coherent manner that doesn't make readers have spasms later. I know, I know, there's the beauty of proof-reading before the post goes live, but who has the time?! And not just the time, but who has the patience?!
(And yes, I do realize the irony going on here... Shut. Up.)
By the time I can sit down and actually remember the original thought that drove me to the eye-numbing glow of the computer, I quickly get sidetracked. Facebook, Twitter, movie trailers, blah blah *SQUIRREL!!!* blah blah. After a few hours of wading through all that muck and slowly killing off one tab after another, not to mention brain cells by the hundreds, I come across the main reason why I plopped down to begin with. I proceed to engage in a staring contest with those pixels and wonder "What the hell... ???" with the same look on my face as a dog has while listening to a dog whistle.
Eventually, I'll manage to squeeze out something that resembles a clear, concise thought that I can pound on the keyboard. Much to your delight I can tell. But as I go back and proofread whatever it is I just leaked out I realize, again, something else about blogging: this is just gonna be for me to come back to and pitifully laugh at later.
*sigh*
Why blog, when it's so much easier to Facebook it? Or, for the ones with severe ADD, just do the Twitter. Oh, and make sure you #hashtag the hell out of it.
...speaking of which, if you #hashtag a #hashtag does a random, fuzzy bunny die horribly?
4.15.2013
What Kind of Bureau Are We?!
Just so I don't have to cut loose and vent on the wife tonight when I get home, I'll soapbox it here instead.
Almost a year to the day I moved my family from SLC to St George for a new work opportunity as a bureau photographer. Bureau work has been something I've always thought about doing since my CSU days and interning at KCNC's NoBo in Ft Collins. "What a great gig!" I thought. "No assignment desk, no managers, no run-n-gun just shooting, editing and fronting stories from start to finish!"
Well, yeah. And it's great most of the time, but more often than not... we're eventually forced to head to Polygamy central for... uh... non-news.
The problem is the damn morning phone call that reminds us that we're still at the mercy of people 300+ miles away. People who, for some unknown and unreasonable reason, seem to think that if it doesn't pertain to Northern UT then it doesn't happen and they don't really care. And with some personnel it's like we're just filler. "Fine," *sigh* "Do some story on... water and I'll see where I can squeeze you into the show..."
Unless it happens to deal with the FLDS wackos. Suddenly they're all a-buzz up there and can't wait to hear the latest load of gossip-inducing crap that is really nothing more than hyped up rumors fueling the water cooler chatter. Literally. We go out there because of what someone heard from someone else that might've seen someone else doing this or that. Nothing concrete. Nothing readily verifiable. And it's not like we don't try to verify, it's just that we can't 100% verify. The best we can do is get "info" from some contacts, we've managed to convince, who's experience isn't recent but based on what life was like when they were part of the "in crowd" 11ty-7 years ago. Again, nothing recent.
Case in point: In the wee hours of the morning, a college girls wakes up in her apartment to find a total stranger standing over her. She starts screaming as he grabs onto her throat. Her roommate comes in, scaring stalker-boy off and they call 911. Holy. Crap. I'm sure the girls are rattled and, perhaps, others in their apartment complex and on campus. Why? Because that kind of thing just doesn't happen around here. So let's talk to the girls, let's talk to the police, let's get this creeps' description out there and get him caught before he does this again Right? RIGHT?!
*inhale sharply* "Wellllll, yeeeeah. I don't know... Hey, we're hearing about the FLDS and their taxes schtuff again. Look into that!"
DAMMIT!!! REALLY?!?!?! You know if this invasion happened at the U, or BYU or anywhere up north they would've pounced on it and had it live at noon with "BREAKING NEWS" plastered all over the place and jammed down your throat. But down in St George? Nope. Oh, and the damn FLDS and their f***ed up taxes?! It's a story that we're just gonna rehash and have rehashed over and over and over again!\
Get this through your head: (whoever's reading this)
WE ARE NOT THE FLDS BUREAU!!!!!!!!! THERE'S REAL DAMN NEWS DOWN HERE!!!!!!!
Almost a year to the day I moved my family from SLC to St George for a new work opportunity as a bureau photographer. Bureau work has been something I've always thought about doing since my CSU days and interning at KCNC's NoBo in Ft Collins. "What a great gig!" I thought. "No assignment desk, no managers, no run-n-gun just shooting, editing and fronting stories from start to finish!"
Well, yeah. And it's great most of the time, but more often than not... we're eventually forced to head to Polygamy central for... uh... non-news.
The problem is the damn morning phone call that reminds us that we're still at the mercy of people 300+ miles away. People who, for some unknown and unreasonable reason, seem to think that if it doesn't pertain to Northern UT then it doesn't happen and they don't really care. And with some personnel it's like we're just filler. "Fine," *sigh* "Do some story on... water and I'll see where I can squeeze you into the show..."
Unless it happens to deal with the FLDS wackos. Suddenly they're all a-buzz up there and can't wait to hear the latest load of gossip-inducing crap that is really nothing more than hyped up rumors fueling the water cooler chatter. Literally. We go out there because of what someone heard from someone else that might've seen someone else doing this or that. Nothing concrete. Nothing readily verifiable. And it's not like we don't try to verify, it's just that we can't 100% verify. The best we can do is get "info" from some contacts, we've managed to convince, who's experience isn't recent but based on what life was like when they were part of the "in crowd" 11ty-7 years ago. Again, nothing recent.
Case in point: In the wee hours of the morning, a college girls wakes up in her apartment to find a total stranger standing over her. She starts screaming as he grabs onto her throat. Her roommate comes in, scaring stalker-boy off and they call 911. Holy. Crap. I'm sure the girls are rattled and, perhaps, others in their apartment complex and on campus. Why? Because that kind of thing just doesn't happen around here. So let's talk to the girls, let's talk to the police, let's get this creeps' description out there and get him caught before he does this again Right? RIGHT?!
*inhale sharply* "Wellllll, yeeeeah. I don't know... Hey, we're hearing about the FLDS and their taxes schtuff again. Look into that!"
DAMMIT!!! REALLY?!?!?! You know if this invasion happened at the U, or BYU or anywhere up north they would've pounced on it and had it live at noon with "BREAKING NEWS" plastered all over the place and jammed down your throat. But down in St George? Nope. Oh, and the damn FLDS and their f***ed up taxes?! It's a story that we're just gonna rehash and have rehashed over and over and over again!\
Get this through your head: (whoever's reading this)
WE ARE NOT THE FLDS BUREAU!!!!!!!!! THERE'S REAL DAMN NEWS DOWN HERE!!!!!!!
2.14.2013
Words With "Friends"...
...is a stooped game. Really. STOO-PID.
What kind of friend do you wanna play, or play against, in a word game where one of you is gonna get hammered 6 feet under?! And it's not like you, or your opponent, actually knows these ridiculously complex words.
Oh Hell no.
It's that the player gets so damn lucky on the placement of the word that they only really have to exert the bare minimum and be rewarded with 11ty-7 points and the key to some city.
"ZIT" for 50 billion. Oh, charming and enlightening. ...ugh... Shoot me now. Besides, I'm only getting 9 points for "THAT"... if I'm lucky.
*inhales* Breathe sloooowly... Aaaaand rant over. [/rant]
What kind of friend do you wanna play, or play against, in a word game where one of you is gonna get hammered 6 feet under?! And it's not like you, or your opponent, actually knows these ridiculously complex words.
Oh Hell no.
It's that the player gets so damn lucky on the placement of the word that they only really have to exert the bare minimum and be rewarded with 11ty-7 points and the key to some city.
"ZIT" for 50 billion. Oh, charming and enlightening. ...ugh... Shoot me now. Besides, I'm only getting 9 points for "THAT"... if I'm lucky.
*inhales* Breathe sloooowly... Aaaaand rant over. [/rant]
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