Change...

  I keep coming back to this blog and am amazed that it's still around. (And I've said that everytime...) But this time, I've realized that this isn't much a blog for others, but a journal for me. From the start of this blog to now, there's a lot that's changed...
  I'm still employed at the same station. Nothing changed there. Jen's now an RN in the SICU at UofU hospital and is loving every minute of it, both good and bad; major change there. Nolan's 11, in 6th grade, a ridiclous reader, lovess to ski and rock climb and very much has the "tweenager" attitude; major change there. Chris is 9, in 4th grade, and into basketball and skiing, some change. Audrey is 7, 2nd grade, loves gymnastics and is also an... "emotional" kid. We've moved, again. Bigger house, more rooms, more... house.
  But that's not the change I'm talking about. It's what's between each of us that has changed. The "happy-happy joy-joy" schmuck that I see in my early "bloggings" isn't so sparkly. It's still there, but has a lot more shit on/in it. That's been hard to deal with. Breathing helps. Therapy helps too.
  It's weird/humbling to admit that I've sought out therapy; not just for myself but for my oldest and for us, together. Opening up to a stranger was really uncomfortable at first but quickly became... well... theraputic. And then, enlightening. Now, if I can get just Nolan to understand that. (And just like that, I've had another light bulb come on: it's not MY job to get him to understand, it's his. See? Therapy.)
  Change is hard. Parenting is harder. Trying to roll with all the changes while parenting is the hardest. If I breathe any faster, I may start to hyperventilate.